You obviously struggle with this question a lot, and I respect that. We all see easy it is to chase the views or clout or whatever. You're working hard to maintain personal truth while also sharing your experiences, but the act of sharing them feels suspect and in opposition to the first goal.
I just wanted to say that while I think it's a good issue to wrestle with, there can be two reasons to do a thing. You did want to look for her, and you did want to write about trying to do that and have people read it. You're a writer, there's nothing illegitimate about doing both. You're not selling anything besides the writing. You're not signing people up for your bs course. You can go around feeling your feelings all day alone but if everyone did that there wouldn't be anything to read.
Even if you were partly or implicitly seeking out this experience for material, that doesn't automatically render it not genuine. So go easy.
It's very sweet how you describe thinking about memories of her. Love is so wonderful when you're in it, but I definitely learned to appreciate it much more in its absence. And now that it's over, you can cherish that love without the fear of losing it or time moving too fast. I don't myself dwell in those thoughts too much, but I understand it can be helpful with processing in the aftermath.
Wonderful per usual, Lolo. I really connected with the description of yourself as a spirit - I've talked about a similar feeling in therapy as being a small moon in long orbit. There is acknowledgement, and love! But it's only for a few days a year, and it's not enough. I don't want to flit around the periphery of peoples' lives anymore - I want to be someone's priority, and I want them to be mine.
time sanding the edges.... that's the magic moment of this piece. you captured some universality here. I'm remembering how my heart has been broken. good job.
“Maybe time doesn’t heal as much as it sands everything down, making it harder to see the edges.” I felt this! I lost my partner in 2021 in a car accident and can somewhat relate. Very moving Alex can’t wait for the next.
Time may erode everything to sand, but life's beach isn't any less beautiful to behold, as little as each grain of sand may be.
That scene from that episode of Louie haunts me to this day. The writing in that season was his best.
I'm sorry for your loss.
"Did I do it so I could write about it?"
You obviously struggle with this question a lot, and I respect that. We all see easy it is to chase the views or clout or whatever. You're working hard to maintain personal truth while also sharing your experiences, but the act of sharing them feels suspect and in opposition to the first goal.
I just wanted to say that while I think it's a good issue to wrestle with, there can be two reasons to do a thing. You did want to look for her, and you did want to write about trying to do that and have people read it. You're a writer, there's nothing illegitimate about doing both. You're not selling anything besides the writing. You're not signing people up for your bs course. You can go around feeling your feelings all day alone but if everyone did that there wouldn't be anything to read.
Even if you were partly or implicitly seeking out this experience for material, that doesn't automatically render it not genuine. So go easy.
I was on spotify and searched "melancholy songs for sad walks" and it redirected me here?
It's very sweet how you describe thinking about memories of her. Love is so wonderful when you're in it, but I definitely learned to appreciate it much more in its absence. And now that it's over, you can cherish that love without the fear of losing it or time moving too fast. I don't myself dwell in those thoughts too much, but I understand it can be helpful with processing in the aftermath.
not me screenshotting TWO paragraphs for my quotes folder. thanks Lolo for sharing. 🫶
We’re stronger where we are broken
Wonderful per usual, Lolo. I really connected with the description of yourself as a spirit - I've talked about a similar feeling in therapy as being a small moon in long orbit. There is acknowledgement, and love! But it's only for a few days a year, and it's not enough. I don't want to flit around the periphery of peoples' lives anymore - I want to be someone's priority, and I want them to be mine.
time sanding the edges.... that's the magic moment of this piece. you captured some universality here. I'm remembering how my heart has been broken. good job.
“I try to look forward to new experiences but often find myself lamenting their end before they’ve even began.” Perfect encapsulation
this is beautiful
Thanks for sharing this. It feels parallel to lots I've been thinking about 🫶🏻
This is beautiful. I understand the feeling.
so beautiful, thank you
“Maybe time doesn’t heal as much as it sands everything down, making it harder to see the edges.” I felt this! I lost my partner in 2021 in a car accident and can somewhat relate. Very moving Alex can’t wait for the next.
damn had to read this thru wet eyes